As a child, I was deeply influenced by the story of Cinderella and if someone in the family asked who your favorite is, I would proudly announce her name. I wanted to wear dress like Cinderella and wanted to have fairy for a friend. When somebody asked why I like her so much, I’d say because she is beautiful, truthful and kind. She always helps others and does good things to even those who are bad. She says “No”.
As children, we learned that saying no was improper. We grow up watching films or household examples where elders talk in front of us that those who say no are bad. Frequently “kindness” is correlated with saying “yes” but the truth is these are two different things. According to psychologist Dr Susan Newman, author of “The Book of No” the problem is more in women than men. In the words of Dr. Newman, “Girls are increased to be care givers and nurturers, and which is why the problem is much more prevalent for women than men”, however in my opinion the issue isn’t gender specific and it is both in women and men.
For Love- it’s proven fact that human beings are emotional and we all want love and affection. This is one of the most crucial reasons that lead some people to say yes because we think saying No will draw people apart from us and we won’t be loved as much.
The notion of rejection is painful and sometimes just out of doubt, a number people say yes despite the fact that we would like to say no in our heart.
For showing kindness- All of us have seen this in the films that great folks are always giving and kind, and bad people are always unkind.They always say no to everyone. Saying No is frequently related to rudeness and hence we choose to be kind instead of being rude.
As humans, we sense danger in the unknown areas and therefore keep giving ourselves false excuses; to remain in those erroneous jobs and with wrong people and keep saying yes to the things that make us unhappy.
Hence, some of us as adults, find it difficult to say no to older people and to the managers at work place.
The cycle that starts in our youth keeps going and we are trapped to the extent that we begin feeling guilty whenever we say no to people. In the majority of the cases it is just an over hyped scenario that we construct in our minds. In some other cases however, things get weird after Bee Extermination people, that are habitual of listening from us suddenly start getting no. They start feeling that we’ve turned arrogant and some even feel helpless. Sometimes we end up feeling lonely due to the sudden troubles we face in our close relationships. The same thing occurs in the workplace where our coworkers and supervisors don’t expect us to say no.
In spite of all these impacts, in my view saying no is much better than saying yes for most of the things because of the following reasons-
It gives you the opportunity to be true to your self- Saying No to matters that makes you miserable saves your energy and time for doing other productive stuffs. It gives you the time to become genuinely involved in the things that you truly enjoy doing.
Great for mental health- There’s nothing worse than saying yes for something you do not wish to do. In my personal experience, it attracts a lot of frustration and unnecessary stress. Saying No without feeling guilty will help you feel relaxed and you can perform your routine with increased attention and positive energy.
It gives you the confidence to demand what you feel you deserve- Learning to say No gives boost to your confidence level and can help you to demand for the things you actually deserve, whether it’s respect in personal relationships, higher pay or increased responsibilities at work.
It enables you to know who your true well wishers are People who stick to you just for getting favor of some sort will not remain with you once they learn that you’re capable of saying No to them. Hence, it’s also a fantastic technique to understand who all your real wishers are.
Saying No is very difficult for people that are in the habit of saying yes. Some suggestions derived from my personal experiences to handle this issue-
Letting go off the childhood preaching and saying no with confidence does not makes you a bad person.
Take time before you say yes- Every time someone asks you to do something, don’t say yes right away, instead take some time (a day or two), and think whether you actually need to do it. After considering, politely accept or refuse the request.
Remember that your self-worth does not depend on what others think of you- Your self-worth is what you recognize and it shouldn’t be subject to opinion of others. You don’t have to please everyone you know. Understand that you’re better than that and certainly worth more.
It’s a fantastic thing to be considerate, helping and generous. A person can be kind and in the same time set his/her boundaries. In the words of Paulo Coelho, “When you say yes to others, make sure that you are not saying no to yourself” and in the words of Tony Blair “The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes”.